Broken Dreams
by trixyflixy
Summary: This is a prequel to If They Only Knew. We all have hopes and dreams but sometimes it is not up to us to control our destiny. The backstory of Shannon Kilbourne's mother
1. Chapter 1

"Janie

"Janie! Psst Janie?" called out Amy. "How'd you do on the test?"

Janie Rotundo grinned at her best friend Amy and held up her test showing off her perfect score.

She saw Derek Locke glance at her then raise his eyes suggestively. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and pulled out a compact to check her make-up. She could still feel his eyes on her as she checked for eyeliner smudges. She couldn't wait for the bell to ring so she could talk to Amy about what she heard on the radio on the way to school. Most of all she wanted to avoid Derek before he asked her out again.

At 16, Janie Rotundo had it all. She was the only child of a prominent businessman and his wife in Stoneybrook, Connecticut which was a small, mostly middle-class town. She was the envy of every girl in school with her long blonde hair, high cheekbones and perfect figure. She was at the top of her class academically as well as captain of the tennis team. Her parents had high hopes for her as recruiters from Ivy League college were already approaching her. She dated a few boys in her high school but wasn't really looking to settle down with anyone.

Just then Janie was startled out of her daydreams by the bell. She quickly grabbed Amy's arm and began walking quickly to the cafeteria. She passed Franklin Dewitt and smiled.

"Why didn't it work out between you and Franklin?" asked Amy questioningly.

Janie wrinkled her nose and shrugged. "I dunno. I mean he's really nice, really cute but he seems like he just wants to get married and have kids. I have much bigger dreams! I'm going to get out of the hoe-dunk town, travel, and just enjoy life. I don't want to be tied down to that bullshit."

Amy tilted back her head and laughed. "I don't know Janie, Something tells me if Mr. Right came along you'd settle in a heartbeat."

"Wanna bet?" said Janie cockily. "I'll bet you 100 that you are married and up to your elbows in diapers before I even graduate college."

"You are on! Prepare to lose!" grinned Amy.

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"Ugh, what is this dribble?" asked Dana Norton as she looked disgustedly at her cafeteria tray.

"Janie, why can't we get your chef to come in and cook for us?" moaned Jenny Lorner as she pushed her tray away from her.

Janie felt her cheeks redden as they always did when people referred to how well off she was. It wasn't that she didn't have a sense of pride for all her parents did to achieve their status. It just made her feel guilty when some of her friend's had parents who worked 2 jobs just to pay the bills. She cleared her throat as she attempted to change the subject.

"So did you guys hear they are talking about sending soldiers over to the Gulf? Like Iraq? They want to get that Saddam Hussein guy." She said excitedly. "I mean I know they've been over there and stuff but they're talking about stepping it up. I heard it on the news."

Jenny wrinkled her nose clearly not happy with this topic of conversation.

"Can we not talk about war and politics? I'm failing Government as it is. Let's talk about this weekend! What's going on?"

"I heard there's going to be a bonfire type party by the lake in Paulson." Stated Amy. "Paulson's only like 15 minutes away…"

"As long as there are hot guys, I'm in!" piped in Dana.

"I'm not looking to meet anyone, but I'll go." Said Janie. "I'll watch the rest of you fall in love." She began laughing as Amy cocked her head to one side.

"I don't know Janie." Said Amy. "I have a feeling you might just meet someone special Saturday night."

Just then the bell rang and the girls slowly made their way out of the cafeteria.


	2. Chapter 2

"Janie Elaine Rotundo! You come back right down here!"

Janie groaned as she heard her mom's voice through the intercom. She threw a pillow at Amy as she lazily reached for the intercom next to her door.  
"Coming mom!" she replied.

"What's your mom's deal?" asked Amy as she sat in front of Janie's vanity and began experimenting with her make up. "Usually she doesn't even acknowledge you when you come in the door!"

"I saw somebody in the front parlor with her, maybe that's it?"

Janie walked downstairs and entered the front parlor through the glass French doors.

She noticed a good looking man sitting across from her mother who quickly stood up as she entered.

She approached him quickly offering her hand before her mother could criticize her for not minding her manners.

Katherine Rotundo or Kiki as she was known in the society pages of the paper rose quickly nearly spilling her martini out of her glass. Janie bit back a smile as she waited for the introduction.

"Janie, darling, this is Joe Kilbourne." Introduced Kiki . "Joe, this lovely young woman is our daughter Janie."

"Janie!" exclaimed Joe, his blue eyes lighting up. "My God, your father did not do you justice!"

Janie flushed and looked down at her feet as she murmured a response. She sat quickly as she notced her mother gesturing for her to do so.

"So Janie," began Kiki as she signaled Marta the maid for another martini. "Joe is going to be daddy's newest partner. Isn't that wonderful?"

Janie looked up at him in shock. He didn't look much older that her!

Joe laughed as he saw her surprise. "I find it hard to believe myself. But it's true. I'm 25 though. I look young because I'm not married yet. I hear that turns a man gray instantly!" He threw back his head in laughter as Kiki joined in.

Janie laughed politely then stood to excuse herself.

"It was very nice meeting you Mr. Kilbourne, but I have a friend upstairs and we have to study for our government test."

Joe stood and shook her hand warmly. "It was wonderful to meet you Janie. Your father tells me lots of stories about you. It sounds like you're a very accomplished young woman."

Janie flushed again with the praise then said, "Well I don't have a boyfriend yet and I've heard what that can do to one's grades!"

Joe slapped his leg and laughed. "You're all right Janie, You are all right."

Janie nodded quickly and turned and ran upstairs.

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"So, it appears Joe was quite taken with our little Janie here." Gloated Kiki to her husband Frank as they sat around the dinner table.

"God, mother, that is disgusting!" groaned Janie. "He's like an old man!"

"Janie, sweetie." Soothed Frank Rotundo. "Your mom isn't trying to marry you off she just is concerned about your well-being."

"Janie, darling, when I was 16 I had plenty of suitors." Kiki Rotundo paused as she thought back to her high school days. "In fact, at 16, your father and I were practically engaged!"

Janie wiped her mouth nervously with her napkin. "That's fine mom. That worked out how you wanted it. But that is not my plan! I don't want to be married and raising kids and missing out on college and traveling. Why is everyone so concerned about me being single? GOD!"

Janie stood up and wiped tears of anger from her eyes. "Let me make my own decisions! Please!"

"We're sorry honey." Said Mr. Rotundo. "We just want our baby to be happy."

"I will be happy! If you just let me do things my own way." Cried Janie, tears still welling up in her eyes.

"Sweetheart, give Janie the American Express and let her go on a shopping spree." Said Kiki reaching over to pat Janie's hand.

"I don't need you to buy me something every time I'm upset!" said Janie as she resumed eating. "but I did want to know if I could go to a bonfire on Saturday?"

"Will there be alcohol there?" asked Frank. "If so you know I'd feel better if you just had Jean Pierre drop you off and pick you up." Jean Pierre was the Rotundo's chauffer.

"Daddy, my friends and I can't shop up to a bonfire in a limo!" said Janie giggling. She then grinned wickedly as she proposed,

"Could you have him pick us up in the Escalade instead?"


	3. Chapter 3

Janie bent down to adjust her brand new Doc Marten boots. She smoothed out the short skirt in her baby doll dress and quickly glanced in her mirror to make sure her hair was perfect. She knew her mother didn't approve of her high, ratted bangs, or her pin straight hair but it was 1989 and Janie Rotundo was ALWAYS in style.

She noticed Dana, Jenny and Amy talking with a group of guys that she didn't know. She laughed as she realized how differently they all dressed. Jenny in her overalls with the one strap unbuttoned and a pair of hot pink hi-top Chucks, Amy in her khaki, baggy pants, flannel and a fisherman's hat. Dana had on a dark pair of ripped jeans and a Pearl Jam T-shirt from the concert they attended last month. She slowly made her way to the edge of the group and whispered to Amy that she was going to go sit on the beach and watch the water for awhile.

She slowly made her way down a rocky patch and was disappointed to discover someone already sitting on a picnic table overlooking the water. She turned to leave but stepped on a stick snapping it in two, thus calling attention to herself. The guy sitting on the table stood up startled then grinned and waved her over. With a huge sigh Janie slowly made her way over. She really wanted to be alone and daydream for awhile.

With her eyes downcast she walked to the picnic table and sat down without glancing at her companion.

"Wow, I think the temperature just dropped 40 degrees with that cold shoulder you gave me!"

Janie looked up in surprise and saw the guy staring at her grinning. She took in a deep breath as she noticed how good looking he was. He looked about her age, with sandy blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes the color of the ocean. He was about 6'1, muscular and had a smile that made her stomach flutter uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, I was just looking to be by myself." Stammered Janie. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm really sorry."

He grinned and said, "Hi! I'm Eric Shoreson. I don't think I've ever seen you around before. Trust me. I would have remembered." He looked at her and smiled appreciatively.

Janie felt her trademark flush creep up and she smiled up at him. "Hi! I'm Janie, Janie Rotundo. I actually live in-"

"Whoa!" interrupted Eric. "Rotundo? As in Rotundo Financial?"

"Yes…" replied Janie hesitating. "That's my father's company."

"Well that's pretty sweet. I didn't know I would be meeting a celebrity today!" teased Eric.

"Shut up!" laughed Janie as she tried to push him off the table.

"Seriously though." Asked Eric. "What's it like growing up in the spotlight all the time? "

Janie hesitated then began confiding in Eric how embarrassing it was to have everyone in Stoneybrook know who she was and what she had been doing. She expressed her fears of doing something to damage the family name and have her parent's trust and pride in her ruined. Eric listened sympathetically offering consoling words when needed. He confided in her how after he graduated high school last year he didn't know what to do and had just been working construction. He knew he wanted to go to college but he wanted to go when he could afford it and not rely on student loans. He was embarrassed that most of his friends were out doing something with their lives and he was still trying to get started.

She was surprised to look at her pager and see that almost 2 hours had passed. She stood up quickly embarrassed at having revealed so much to a total stranger. She was hesitant to leave as the conversation they had shared had been one of the most personal and revealing she'd ever had.

"My friends are probably wondering where I am…" she broke off shyly. "They were standing with a group of guys when I left who I think were hitting on them…"

"I think my friends are the ones hitting on your friends!" Exclaimed Eric. "Well let me walk you back. It's the least I can do for the girl who has given me one of the greatest conversations I've ever had. I hope you will give me your phone number so we can continue talking. I'd really like that."

Janie looked into his eyes and felt weak. She was scared of what she was feeling. _How is this possible? I've known this guy for 2 hours yet I can't think straight, I just want to talk with him forever and I may scream if he doesn't kiss me._ She was scared of these emotions and feelings as she had never felt them before. She quickly nodded yes then reached into her wallet style purse end extracted a gum wrapper and a pen. She wrote down her personal number as well as her pager and with shaking fingers handing it over to Eric. She jumped when their fingers touched as she felt as if a jolt of electricity shot through her.

He stood up and stretched and casually slipping his hand in hers they made their way back to the bonfire.


	4. Chapter 4

"Come in!" called out Janie as she fastened her bracelet around her wrist.

Janie's mother looked her daughter over as she swept into the room settling herself on her daughter's bed.

"Are you going out with Eric tonight sweetie?" she asked.

"Of course Mom. We're meeting up with the crew to discuss prom plans."

"Darling, you know how much your father and I adore Eric, I mean he's practically part of the family. In fact the past year that's he been a part of your life has been wonderful for us. We are so happy to see you so happy…"

Janie raised an eyebrow questioningly. "But?"

Kiki sighed as she spoke, "Janie darling, what is he ever going to do with his life? He paints houses for a living. How will he ever support you and make a life for a family? I just think you haven't dated enough men to settle down with this one. Plus with college coming up and your plans to travel-"

Janie stood up her eyes flashing with anger. "How dare you say such awful things. I love him mom. I love him more than anything in this world. We've already talked about college and he's going to enroll with me. Don't you dare say he can never support me. Eric has given me more support than you and daddy ever have. He knows that support doesn't mean credit cards and expensive houses. It means loving someone for who they are. I would die if I didn't have him!"

With shaking legs she stood and ran out of the room and out of the house to her car as her mother stood calling her name. With tears blinding her, she drove to Eric's house in Shoreson.

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"Janie? Baby, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" Eric had answered the door in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt in the process of getting dressed to come and get Janie.

"Are your parents home?" she asked lifting her tear streaked face.

"No, they're not coming home til late but-"

Wordlessly Janie grabbed him and began kissing him. She led him to his room where she began removing her clothes.

"Janie? What is wrong? Please tell me!" He pleaded.

"I just want to be with you Eric. PLEASE!" She began crying again. "If you love me you will just be with me now and make love to me and promise me that you will never leave me and you will love me forever."

"Janie, I –it's just-I don't have protection with me-" He looked into her eyes and nodded as he pulled her onto his bed and shut off the lights.

"Promise me?" She whispered.

"I promise Janie. I will love you forever." He whispered back.

_Now how am I supposed to tell her that I enlisted in the Marines today?_ He wondered.


	5. Chapter 5

Eric twirled Janie around as the faint sounds of Richard Marx's Right Here Waiting" played in the background. He grinned as the moonlight hit her tiara just perfectly and sparkled and her turquoise chiffon prom dress blew slightly in the cold air. He closed his eyes breathing in the smell of her hair.

"Eric?" asked Janie tearfully. "Do you really have to go and leave me?"

Eric tipped her chin up so that he could look into her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Janie, I love you more than anything in this world. It's because of this I have to go." He sighed and cleared his throat trying to shake away the painful way his heart ached every time he thought of leaving her. "I have 2 years that I serve over there and then they will pay my college, help me find a job, give me a future that I can share with you."

"But Eric, my dad said he'd be happy to pay for your college-"

"No! What kind of man would I be if I was willing to do that? I want to prove to them that I'm worth something. I am going to be gone just 2 years. Then when I come back we will be married and travel and go to college and start our lives as Mr. & Mrs. Shoreson." Eric grinned at the thought.

Janie wrapped her arms around him and gave him a kiss. She pulled away quickly drawing in several deep breaths.

"Is everything ok Janie?" He asked looking concerned.

Janie wrapped her arms around her stomach and swallowed quickly several times.

"I'm fine, I think. I just haven't been feeling well lately. Kind of run down and pukey."

Eric wrinkled his nose in disgust as she swatted him. "Well I sure don't want you puking on my sexy rented tux!"

Eric led her over to a table away from the other couples. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small package wrapped in tissue.

"I couldn't get you an engagement ring because I figured your parents would flip out. But I thought of you when I saw this." He helped her unwrap a beautiful gold locket on a delicate chain. He fastened it around her neck as he said, "This way I'll always be in your heart."

Janie opened the locket to find a picture of Eric on one side and a picture of the two of them at Christmas on the other side.

Janie began wiping away tears as she clutched Eric's hand. She lovingly felt the locket and smiled as she thought, _Two years isn't THAT long._

"What do you say we head back inside? Whoever heard of a prom in January?" remarked Eric as he lead her through the sliding glass doors.

As they danced, Janie looked around at her fellow classmates who were leaving to join the military. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up for many with the promise of a free college education, yearly compensation, and learning potential. The principal had decided to hold the junior/senior prom in January because so many of the Seniors wanted to get boot camp under their belts so they could serve their 2 years and be done with it.

Janie hung onto Eric and smiled at his short buzzed hair. They had survived the 8 weeks he had been away at boot camp finding that it had only made them love each other more. Plus she was so proud of him for earning such top marks. His superior officer had ranked Eric at the head of the class stating he would be a good leader given the opportunity.

Two years ain't nothin'!" stated Janie smiling. "I'll be 18 then so we won't need mom & dad's permission to get married!"

"I love you more than life Janie Rotundo!"

"Well I love you more Eric Shoreson" she replied as their bodies fit together for a kiss the locket he gave her pressed between them.

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2 weeks later…

Janie jumped as she heard Gerald the butler's voice come through her intercom.

"Ms. Janie? Please come to the door someone is here to see you"

Janie took a swig of Pepto Bismol trying to ease the indigestion she had been dealing with the past month as she walked down the stairs. She quickly ran her tongue over her teeth trying to ensure no pink residue was left on her teeth. When she got to the bottom of the stairs she felt her blood run cold at the sight of the yellow paper the butler was holding it.

"Janie darling what is it?" asked Kiki as she breezed into the foyer. She looked at her daughters face then at what Gerald was holding. "Oh my God no. Gerald! Call Mr. Rotundo immediately."

She quickly took the paper from him and tried to help Janie sit down. Janie quickly brushed her mother's hands off her.

"Mommy?" whispered Janie. "Read it please. Tell me he just couldn't send a letter and this was his only way."

Kiki cleared her throat then opened the telegram quickly. She scanned it quickly her eyes welling up with tears.

**Janie Rotundo Stoneybrook, CT USA**

**We regret to inform you that Eric Michael Shoreson was killed in the line of duty Stop**

**His platoon was ambushed by enemy troops many casualtiesStop**

**His body will arrive to his home following week for burial Stop**

"No!" Screamed Janie as she sank to the ground and began rocking back and forth. "Not Eric, not my Eric. Oh God Why? Why didn't you kill me too. Not ERIC!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Mom, I just don't feel up for going to school today…" Janie's voice tapered off as she stared back at her mom who was perched on the edge of her bed.

"Sweetheart, it's been 9 days since the funeral. I think you need to try and get your life back on track." Soothed Kiki as she leaned forward to kiss Janie's forehead.

Janie sat straight up in her bed. "Get my life on track? Mom, Eric is dead. He is never coming back. My life is over. I wish I would have died with him." Janie began wringing her blanket as tears poured from her eyes. "In fact, just the thought of having to go to school is making me puke." With that, she clapped a hand over her mouth and ran into her adjoining bathroom and retched violently in the toilet.

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"Janie are you sure about this? Did you read it right?" Asked Amy as she paced back and forth in Janie's bathroom before sliding down the wall and joining her best friend on the floor.

"Amy, there is only one way to read it." Replied Janie listlessly. "The plus sign means positive. I'm pregnant." She buried her face in her hands and began to cry.

Amy awkwardly patted her shoulder as she said, "Janie, we can go right now. To a clinic. I mean no one would have to know. I mean you can't possibly handle a baby now, you're just a baby yourself!"

Janie stood up her blue eyes flashing. "You shut your mouth right now Amy. How can you even suggest that? This baby is something that me and Eric created. I will love this baby with all my heart because it'll remind me of him."

"I'm sorry Janie, I just kind of panicked. I shouldn't have said that…"

Just then the girls heard the intercom go off announcing that Janie's parents had returned home.

Janie took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "Well I guess it's now or never…I have to tell them eventually, right?" The two girls walked slowly down the stairs and into the front foyer.

"Everything will be fine" murmured Amy as she gave Janie a goodbye hug.

"Hey Amy?" called out Janie reaching into her pocket and pulling out a 100 bill. Amy turned and looked at Janie questioningly.

"Remember the bet we made at the beginning of the year? About who would settle down first?" Said Janie giving Amy a sad smile. "I guess you won…"

With one last parting hug Janie turned and slowly walked into the house ready to have a talk with her parents.


	7. Chapter 7

"Janie? Are you ready to go inside?"

Janie shook her head to clear her thoughts as she smiled gently at her new husband. The past 8 weeks had been a whirlwind of activity. Her father had convinced her to marry Joe in order to provide a proper upbringing for her child. In turn, Joe had needed a green card in order to further himself in a career. Janie had always admired him as he had become closer to her family due to the close ties he had with her father. When she dropped out of school after Eric died, she knew she didn't have the means to provide a life for herself let alone an innocent child.

Joe gently took Janie's hand and led her through the door of the new mansion he had built on the outskirts of Stoneybrook. He smiled at his pretty, new bride and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. Truth be told, this wasn't the life either of them had planned on. He knew it was a marriage of convenience for both of them. He had deliberately invested in a mansion across town away from the gossip and secrets that filled the center of Stoneybrook. Janie's best friend Amy was the only one outside of the family, who knew the truth and she was moving to England at the end of summer to attend college. It had been decided that Joe would raise this child as his own and have a picture perfect marriage as he prepared to take over Rotundo Financial.

"I bought you something Janie…" teased Joe as he dangled a present before her eyes.

Janie took the gift and opened it and gasped as she drew out a beautiful diamond pendant.

"Joe! You shouldn't have, it's too much-" she let her voice trail off as Joe began to fasten the necklace around her neck. He lightly kissed her shoulder as he said, "I noticed you are always wearing that other necklace with the locket, I thought you needed something a bit more mature."

Janie closed her eyes as Joe carefully removed the locket. _Oh Eric, please understand, I have to do this to make a life for our child. _Ignoring the tears that were burning her eyelids Janie softly whispered a thank you as she leaned forward to kiss Joe's cheek. She knew she would put on the necklace again once Joe was out of sight.

That night as Janie sat at her vanity chewing on a pen in between writing in her journal, she began humming a song that she and Eric had danced to. She felt the flutter of her baby's feet kicking gently against her stomach.

"Janie? Honey? Are you coming to bed?" called out Joe from across the room.

Janie slowly wrapped her arms around her pregnant belly. _I'm going to do my damndest to be the best mommy in the world. I'm going to make sure that you finish school and make a name for yourself and travel the world. Someday sweetheart, I'm going to tell you all about the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man there ever was. I want to tell you all about Eric Shoreson, but only when the time is right. I love you…_

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Shannon slowly closed the well worn leather journal with tears coursing down her cheeks. She had been practicing her Valedictorian speech for tomorrow's ceremony when her mother had come into her room with a small gift wrapped package. Slowly she crept into her mother's room, where Janie was curled up on her bed, an open novel lying next to her.

Shannon gently placed the novel on the bedside table and turned off the light. She pulled her mother's blanket up over her and gently kissed her forehead. She softly whispered, "I'm going to do all you wanted to do and more Mom. I won't let you down. I promise!" Shannon crept out of her mother's room still thinking of all her mother had given up for her and her sisters. Janie slowly smiled as she subconsciously began to caress the locket around her neck. As she fell into deep sleep, she dreamt of a teenaged girl with golden blonde hair wearing a gold locket and a handsome man dressed in an Army uniform with eyes the color of the ocean sitting on a picnic table their fingers interlaced…


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